I feel like I could burst. I have a sense of urgency I've not experienced in a long time, if ever. Orphan Sunday is next week, and I'm coordinating it. Yesterday, a guest speaker from Compassion Int'l came to our church; he was a Compassion child that is now a pastor, and he spoke to us about the plight of the poor and the plentiful harvest of children. This past weekend, I talked w/ two moms who've adopted special needs children at an event for Katrina's school. Also, in my women's Bible Study we've been studying 2 Thes. 1:1-12 in which Paul encourages the believers to persevere in trial and prays for them to be worthy in light of the Lord's coming and wrath to come. In two weeks, we're having a Concert of Prayer for the persecuted church and orphans at our church.
Yesterday the speaker said that if every American Christian spent two weeks with the poor every year, hearts would change. Of course my first response is to want to pack up and go, but for now I know that's not realistic, although I hope there will come a day. In the meantime, I want to spend more time learning, praying, and assisting. I'm longing to be open to whatever opportunities the Lord presents.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Closure Day, Oct. 11, 2010
We arrived in Memphis just before midnight last night. So many memories just approaching the river. On our right, the first sight was the Kroger where we shopped for groceries. Every week St. Jude gave us $80 to spend! Next was the Applebee's where Dave and I went on a date when our friends the Throops offered to stay at Ronald McDonald House w/ Ethan and Samantha. Our only private time in about two months. Thank you friends! Next was the Walgreen's where I desperately waited a half hour while Samantha screamed w/ tiredness and an ear infection. I had to wait for insurance to kick in (or something). My very practical Katrina suggested I turn on a movie for Samantha since we had the player in the car. Whew. And finally, on the left, the Red Roof Inn where we stayed when our family exceeded four, the limit for accommodations at St. Jude.
Just on that short 1/4 mile stretch, the heaviness of it all touched me, as it always does, and maybe always will. There's so much sadness mixed w/ hope at St. Jude. It's an amazing place. You never know quite how to feel; sad for the situation, happy for the care you get, sad for those who've lost the battle, happy for those who've won, hopeful for those who are still fighting. A community of people - patients, caregivers, personnel; even though the travel is difficult for me I HAD to be here today. For so many reasons. There I go, I'm crying. It's just so emotional. But I need to hurry up and finish because I don't want to miss a single minute of this important day.
So anyway, after that little stretch, we crossed the bridge. Crossing the bridge is always when the first night seems so real. Feb. 17 '08 - actually it was early morning, 5 AM. Such a long drive to get there. Ethan was flown down and Dave, Samantha and I drove. That's a whole different story, an amazing one which Dave and I shared w/ Ethan as we traveled yesterday. But back to that first night and the memories it holds: where in the world are we? What's our son doing lying in a hospital bed 7 hours from home? This place we've heard of since childhood that Danny Thomas founded. That's where the really sick kids go. Our son HERE??!!!
And finally, after the bridge, as we approached St. Jude, there it was, Ronald McDonald House. Our home for two months. What a place. Today I plan to go there to see Ethan's handprint on the wall in person. I haven't been here since winter or spring of '09 if I'm remembering right. The travel's been too hard for me. But I made it! And I'm ready to do all I need today to say good-bye to this chapter of our lives.
Just on that short 1/4 mile stretch, the heaviness of it all touched me, as it always does, and maybe always will. There's so much sadness mixed w/ hope at St. Jude. It's an amazing place. You never know quite how to feel; sad for the situation, happy for the care you get, sad for those who've lost the battle, happy for those who've won, hopeful for those who are still fighting. A community of people - patients, caregivers, personnel; even though the travel is difficult for me I HAD to be here today. For so many reasons. There I go, I'm crying. It's just so emotional. But I need to hurry up and finish because I don't want to miss a single minute of this important day.
So anyway, after that little stretch, we crossed the bridge. Crossing the bridge is always when the first night seems so real. Feb. 17 '08 - actually it was early morning, 5 AM. Such a long drive to get there. Ethan was flown down and Dave, Samantha and I drove. That's a whole different story, an amazing one which Dave and I shared w/ Ethan as we traveled yesterday. But back to that first night and the memories it holds: where in the world are we? What's our son doing lying in a hospital bed 7 hours from home? This place we've heard of since childhood that Danny Thomas founded. That's where the really sick kids go. Our son HERE??!!!
And finally, after the bridge, as we approached St. Jude, there it was, Ronald McDonald House. Our home for two months. What a place. Today I plan to go there to see Ethan's handprint on the wall in person. I haven't been here since winter or spring of '09 if I'm remembering right. The travel's been too hard for me. But I made it! And I'm ready to do all I need today to say good-bye to this chapter of our lives.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
The Common Thread
It's been an interesting month. Ethan's almost done treatment for leukemia. I'm studying 1 Thessalonians and end times w/ my women's Bible study. I read MaryBeth Chapman's book Choosing to See. I've been making progress on getting my physical condition on track w/ a chiropractor and special exercises at my health club. I've also been asked to help out with our church's Orphan Awareness Sunday and our town's Adoption Conference. At the same time, I deal w/ daily struggles w/ Samantha. I've also had the opportunity to serve a Chinese international student from ISU and start a friendship w/ her. My beautiful fourteen year old going on twenty is enjoying high school and going on her first "parent-approved friendship date" to homecoming, although she's not been given permission to date yet. Yeah, I know, we're old timers. But so be it. We have our reasons.
The common thread - life is a gift, our bodies are important, and at the same time we're looking forward to a hope that will never end, when our bodies will be made completely whole. Heaven is real. Earth is temporary, but while God has us here we live with an eternal focus. A big part of that focus is bringing the nations to Himself and loving the hurting in our world. It's keeping ourselves pure and set apart from the world, while being connected to the world (I Thessalonians 4).
I'm of course thrilled that Ethan doesn't have to suffer anymore. I grieve for the Chapman's loss and their son Will Franklin's trauma. I long for my body to work the way it's supposed to, the way it was designed to work. Whether that will ever happen again in this life is a big question mark. My condition is chronic, but God can heal if He chooses. He can also glorify Himself through using it as a thorn in my flesh. Either way, I win. God won't give up on me, and I choose not to give up - to fight the affliction to the best of my ability and be available for God to use me any way I'm able. My biggest calling right now is to be a godly mother to my daughters. One a birth child, one adopted. Both with unique needs. Beyond that, I can serve others in and outside the church as God leads.
Check out this link:
Beauty Will Rise
The common thread - life is a gift, our bodies are important, and at the same time we're looking forward to a hope that will never end, when our bodies will be made completely whole. Heaven is real. Earth is temporary, but while God has us here we live with an eternal focus. A big part of that focus is bringing the nations to Himself and loving the hurting in our world. It's keeping ourselves pure and set apart from the world, while being connected to the world (I Thessalonians 4).
I'm of course thrilled that Ethan doesn't have to suffer anymore. I grieve for the Chapman's loss and their son Will Franklin's trauma. I long for my body to work the way it's supposed to, the way it was designed to work. Whether that will ever happen again in this life is a big question mark. My condition is chronic, but God can heal if He chooses. He can also glorify Himself through using it as a thorn in my flesh. Either way, I win. God won't give up on me, and I choose not to give up - to fight the affliction to the best of my ability and be available for God to use me any way I'm able. My biggest calling right now is to be a godly mother to my daughters. One a birth child, one adopted. Both with unique needs. Beyond that, I can serve others in and outside the church as God leads.
Check out this link:
Beauty Will Rise
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Two extremes
Imagine one child who's life is like this:
She's a baby in an orphanage crib. She rarely if ever gets held. It's cold, and she's wrapped in shabby blankets for warmth. Her bottle is shared by other babies, so she has to drink as much as possible before the nannies take it away. There are only two or maybe three designated times during the day for her diaper to get changed. The rest of the time she lies in soiled clothing. If she gets sick, the nannies give her less attention rather than more. Their goal is to keep the strong ones "healthy." If she gets to the point of being critically ill (an ICU patient by our standards), she gets sent to the hospital where she gets substandard care. Again, she's the last in line for attention.
When she reaches toddler age, she has to sit tied to a chair during the day so she can be controlled. She gets a little cereal, two small bowls of rice, and a couple drinks each day. She's required to sit on the potty at designated times. She mainly stares into space for lack of anything else to do, but once in a while extra treats or toys may come her way from donations outside the orphanage. She lives for those rare moments. Once a day she gets let out into the concrete courtyard to run around with the other children. If it's cold, she has to endure the elements. **
Imagine another child who's life is like this:
He's an adolescent living the American dream - nice house, good family, plenty of food, lots of friends, a great school, and tons of social activities. His house is filled w/ books, TV's, video games, computers etc.
He gets sick. His doctor orders tests and sends him to a specialist. More tests are ordered. He gets a call that something might be really wrong, and he should come in for another test, but in the meantime gets critically ill and goes to the ER. He's rushed into a room, immediately given medicine to eliminate his pain, and goes through a series of expensive tests throughout the day. His diagnosis is serious. He gets sent to the best medical facility in the country for treating it. When he comes home as an outpatient, an emergency occurs. His family calls an ambulance, which is there within two minutes. At least six medics enter his home, get him on the stretcher and rushed to the hospital. Every conceivable medication is at his disposal. The long term goal is to restore him to full health, no matter how long it takes. And he's just an average, middle class kid.
My youngest child was spared from at least some of the first scenario when we adopted her. My oldest child experienced all of the second, and is soon to complete his treatment after two and a half years. Obviously, I've been struck by how different a child's experience can be based on their country and its laws, economy, history, and position in the world. Knowing that God is sovereign over all, it's hard to process why the situation is as it is in the 21st century.
Being that as it may, my personal response needs to be one of listening to God's heart. What can I do about the orphan crisis? I'm only one person. Yes, I've adopted one child, but that doesn't "get me off the hook" for continuing to ask that question. Yes, we support a World Vision child and send Christmas presents overseas every year via Samaritan's Purse. But am I done? I think not. Most of my personal resources are exhausted because my youngest child is very difficult to raise and my own health is failing. But I still feel I need to listen. I can still become more educated. I can still pray. There may be other things that God has for me as well, and I want to be ready.
The answer can't be the same for all of us. God doesn't call us all to adopt. He doesn't call us all to give of our money. He doesn't call us all to donate our time on a missions trip. But we do all need to listen and not miss His answer.
**Silent Tears, Kay Bratt, 2008
She's a baby in an orphanage crib. She rarely if ever gets held. It's cold, and she's wrapped in shabby blankets for warmth. Her bottle is shared by other babies, so she has to drink as much as possible before the nannies take it away. There are only two or maybe three designated times during the day for her diaper to get changed. The rest of the time she lies in soiled clothing. If she gets sick, the nannies give her less attention rather than more. Their goal is to keep the strong ones "healthy." If she gets to the point of being critically ill (an ICU patient by our standards), she gets sent to the hospital where she gets substandard care. Again, she's the last in line for attention.
When she reaches toddler age, she has to sit tied to a chair during the day so she can be controlled. She gets a little cereal, two small bowls of rice, and a couple drinks each day. She's required to sit on the potty at designated times. She mainly stares into space for lack of anything else to do, but once in a while extra treats or toys may come her way from donations outside the orphanage. She lives for those rare moments. Once a day she gets let out into the concrete courtyard to run around with the other children. If it's cold, she has to endure the elements. **
Imagine another child who's life is like this:
He's an adolescent living the American dream - nice house, good family, plenty of food, lots of friends, a great school, and tons of social activities. His house is filled w/ books, TV's, video games, computers etc.
He gets sick. His doctor orders tests and sends him to a specialist. More tests are ordered. He gets a call that something might be really wrong, and he should come in for another test, but in the meantime gets critically ill and goes to the ER. He's rushed into a room, immediately given medicine to eliminate his pain, and goes through a series of expensive tests throughout the day. His diagnosis is serious. He gets sent to the best medical facility in the country for treating it. When he comes home as an outpatient, an emergency occurs. His family calls an ambulance, which is there within two minutes. At least six medics enter his home, get him on the stretcher and rushed to the hospital. Every conceivable medication is at his disposal. The long term goal is to restore him to full health, no matter how long it takes. And he's just an average, middle class kid.
My youngest child was spared from at least some of the first scenario when we adopted her. My oldest child experienced all of the second, and is soon to complete his treatment after two and a half years. Obviously, I've been struck by how different a child's experience can be based on their country and its laws, economy, history, and position in the world. Knowing that God is sovereign over all, it's hard to process why the situation is as it is in the 21st century.
Being that as it may, my personal response needs to be one of listening to God's heart. What can I do about the orphan crisis? I'm only one person. Yes, I've adopted one child, but that doesn't "get me off the hook" for continuing to ask that question. Yes, we support a World Vision child and send Christmas presents overseas every year via Samaritan's Purse. But am I done? I think not. Most of my personal resources are exhausted because my youngest child is very difficult to raise and my own health is failing. But I still feel I need to listen. I can still become more educated. I can still pray. There may be other things that God has for me as well, and I want to be ready.
The answer can't be the same for all of us. God doesn't call us all to adopt. He doesn't call us all to give of our money. He doesn't call us all to donate our time on a missions trip. But we do all need to listen and not miss His answer.
**Silent Tears, Kay Bratt, 2008
Friday, August 27, 2010
New therapy
I've improved overall healthwise and have been able to handle more things in daily life. However, I still have chronic SI joint pain in my left lower back along with leg stiffness, mostly in the knee. My right side is perfect. This September will be two years since this condition developed.
My journey has led me to try a manual chiropractor that uses several methods of therapy, including moving my position on a table like the one pictured here. The doctor's goal is to minimize my pain level; he doesn't think my condition is reversible but is treatable. From all the previous therapy I've had, it seems to be a combination of several things - chiro adjusting, specialized massage, and physical therapy. Since I've just started I don't know how long I'll continue. It's certainly not hurting me (except my wallet). I was hoping to start walking more regularly and increase my distance, but the doctor told me to keep it to a half hour or less.
I'm making progress, but wish it could be more permanent. I'll have a discussion w/ my primary doctor about it later this month. Insurance will pay for another injection but since that didn't do much for me the first time I'm not sure I want to try it again. It put me out of commission for about three weeks.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Avatar!
My husband and I watched Avatar on our "small screen" TV but I was still very impressed with the excellent cinematography. It must have been awesome in the theater.
I would promote this movie based on its excellent portrayal of FALSE RELIGION. What??? Yes, I think it accurately depicts the opposite of what is true - it includes worship of created things, ancestors, and even demonic influences that masquerade as light. One scene in particular shows a possessed being.
In addition, it shows how false religion has the elements of true religion. Creation is indeed a unified "force" for lack of a better word. Genesis 1 makes that clear, as well as Revelation which shows what the restored earth will be like. There is indeed "energy" but in true religion that perceived energy is the one true God's love, power, and divine attributes that can be clearly seen by anyone who opens themselves to understanding (Romans 1, "God's invisible qualities can be clearly seen by everyone, no one has an excuse." The "energy" also includes the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to those who embrace Christ as their only hope of salvation.
I would promote this movie based on its excellent portrayal of FALSE RELIGION. What??? Yes, I think it accurately depicts the opposite of what is true - it includes worship of created things, ancestors, and even demonic influences that masquerade as light. One scene in particular shows a possessed being.
In addition, it shows how false religion has the elements of true religion. Creation is indeed a unified "force" for lack of a better word. Genesis 1 makes that clear, as well as Revelation which shows what the restored earth will be like. There is indeed "energy" but in true religion that perceived energy is the one true God's love, power, and divine attributes that can be clearly seen by anyone who opens themselves to understanding (Romans 1, "God's invisible qualities can be clearly seen by everyone, no one has an excuse." The "energy" also includes the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to those who embrace Christ as their only hope of salvation.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thoughts on Prayer
I've been reading Paul Miller's A Praying Life. We've been going over it in a Sunday School class at church as well.
It's an excellent book, but so far has not completely answered a question I've struggled with for years. I recognize that prayer is a way God works in our lives and that waiting for answers is one of His means of sanctification in us. But too often I'm left feeling like there's got to be more, a lot more, to be experienced. Although viewing prayer in that light definitely helps us accept God's timing and sovereign control over every detail, it still leaves me feeling like something's missing. It's not that I don't want to trust God with every detail of my life, or even enter into others' lives with fervency in the same way the Apostle Paul did; that's not the point. It's just that I think prayer also involves connecting with the heart of God, entering into the Holy of Holies, and falling down like Isaiah in our weakness. It's seeing how big God is and how small we are.
Another way to describe and possibly expand this idea is to see prayer as a never ending fountain from which we experience God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ on many levels - in our personal lives, in community with other believers, and in conjunction with God's kingdom purposes. It goes beyond what happens to us as we see the awesomeness of God; as with Isaiah, it links us to how God wants to use us as instruments to extend His grace. Isaiah ended up saying "Lord, send me." Prayer not only works its sanctification within us as we wait upon God's timing, prayer also compels us, motivates us, energizes us for what God wants to do through us.
Miller hints at this in different ways in his book but doesn't tackle it completely, or else I wasn't perceptive enough to grasp it in what he said. In any case, I'm fairly confident he would wholeheartedly agree. If I have my facts right, I believe he helped his father Jack run World Harvest Mission before entering into other areas of ministry. I think his book is the best I've read so far on prayer, so I'm not in any way disappointed with what I've learned from it. It's just that it doesn't go quite far enough (unless I missed it). What it DOES do that is especially helpful to me is link prayer with the Word of God. Miller says that in prayer we are putting the Word to work. I really like this idea. We need to be intentional in praying very specifically for needs, using God's Word as our foundation. I've done this on various occasions but have not (yet) made it a regular habit in my life. My normal pattern is to pray for a need with vague notions of how God's Word relates rather than using specific verses or passages.
Our best reference for how to pray is Jesus. We pray like Him, we pray along with Him, we pray To Him, and ultimately we recognize He is praying through us as He intercedes to the Father for us. Like Jesus, we draw into the Father's presence and submit our wills totally to the Father. We pray for our daily bread, for the Kingdom to come, for evil to be restrained. We cry out to Him when we are in a tough spot, knowing He's been there too. As Miller points out, we bring our burdens to Him and lay them at the cross. We leave them there and trust that what He did for us on the cross is our basis for hope. He conquered death and sin and it will never have the upper hand. And when we're struggling to pray due to unbelief, grief, or pain, we can simply rest in knowing He's there and interceding on our behalf. We don't have to have a big guilt trip over not praying; if we do, Satan's getting what He wants. Rather we can relax and wait for the difficult season to pass.
Like Jacob, sometimes we wrestle in prayer. We say "God, where are you?" or "God, why does it have to be this way?" This does not threaten God. In fact, it pleases Him for us to seek Him. Hebrews 11:6 says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." When we wrestle, we're seeking. We cannot do that if we deny His existence. We know He's there. We know we're not connecting with Him the way we'd like to. There's a disconnect between what we know and what we experience. We're acknowledging our lack of abiding in Christ - our ultimate call as believers. God may break our hip in the process and make us weak so we continue to depend on Him and have a reference point to go back to when our old nature manifests itself, but He is faithful to bless us in the end. Like Jacob, He renames us, remakes us, and motivates us to pursue Him and His kingdom purposes.
It's an excellent book, but so far has not completely answered a question I've struggled with for years. I recognize that prayer is a way God works in our lives and that waiting for answers is one of His means of sanctification in us. But too often I'm left feeling like there's got to be more, a lot more, to be experienced. Although viewing prayer in that light definitely helps us accept God's timing and sovereign control over every detail, it still leaves me feeling like something's missing. It's not that I don't want to trust God with every detail of my life, or even enter into others' lives with fervency in the same way the Apostle Paul did; that's not the point. It's just that I think prayer also involves connecting with the heart of God, entering into the Holy of Holies, and falling down like Isaiah in our weakness. It's seeing how big God is and how small we are.
Another way to describe and possibly expand this idea is to see prayer as a never ending fountain from which we experience God the Father and our Savior Jesus Christ on many levels - in our personal lives, in community with other believers, and in conjunction with God's kingdom purposes. It goes beyond what happens to us as we see the awesomeness of God; as with Isaiah, it links us to how God wants to use us as instruments to extend His grace. Isaiah ended up saying "Lord, send me." Prayer not only works its sanctification within us as we wait upon God's timing, prayer also compels us, motivates us, energizes us for what God wants to do through us.
Miller hints at this in different ways in his book but doesn't tackle it completely, or else I wasn't perceptive enough to grasp it in what he said. In any case, I'm fairly confident he would wholeheartedly agree. If I have my facts right, I believe he helped his father Jack run World Harvest Mission before entering into other areas of ministry. I think his book is the best I've read so far on prayer, so I'm not in any way disappointed with what I've learned from it. It's just that it doesn't go quite far enough (unless I missed it). What it DOES do that is especially helpful to me is link prayer with the Word of God. Miller says that in prayer we are putting the Word to work. I really like this idea. We need to be intentional in praying very specifically for needs, using God's Word as our foundation. I've done this on various occasions but have not (yet) made it a regular habit in my life. My normal pattern is to pray for a need with vague notions of how God's Word relates rather than using specific verses or passages.
Our best reference for how to pray is Jesus. We pray like Him, we pray along with Him, we pray To Him, and ultimately we recognize He is praying through us as He intercedes to the Father for us. Like Jesus, we draw into the Father's presence and submit our wills totally to the Father. We pray for our daily bread, for the Kingdom to come, for evil to be restrained. We cry out to Him when we are in a tough spot, knowing He's been there too. As Miller points out, we bring our burdens to Him and lay them at the cross. We leave them there and trust that what He did for us on the cross is our basis for hope. He conquered death and sin and it will never have the upper hand. And when we're struggling to pray due to unbelief, grief, or pain, we can simply rest in knowing He's there and interceding on our behalf. We don't have to have a big guilt trip over not praying; if we do, Satan's getting what He wants. Rather we can relax and wait for the difficult season to pass.
Like Jacob, sometimes we wrestle in prayer. We say "God, where are you?" or "God, why does it have to be this way?" This does not threaten God. In fact, it pleases Him for us to seek Him. Hebrews 11:6 says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." When we wrestle, we're seeking. We cannot do that if we deny His existence. We know He's there. We know we're not connecting with Him the way we'd like to. There's a disconnect between what we know and what we experience. We're acknowledging our lack of abiding in Christ - our ultimate call as believers. God may break our hip in the process and make us weak so we continue to depend on Him and have a reference point to go back to when our old nature manifests itself, but He is faithful to bless us in the end. Like Jacob, He renames us, remakes us, and motivates us to pursue Him and His kingdom purposes.