I'm starting to see the big picture of why God put me and Samantha together. I know some things about child development having studied it in college and then raising three older kids. I also know some things about language development, having an advanced degree in TESOL. Samantha is lacking in both life and language skills, and since she was young I've felt inadequate to help her, even with my background. But the more I explore how to help her and find teachers and therapists who will address her needs, the more I'm seeing what I can do for her. They're the experts in working with children. I have knowledge that informs my assessment of what kind of help she needs. I continue to seek out that help for her, and then come alongside the experts to reinforce what she gets in classroom strategies, tutoring and therapy.
In other words, I'm the bread on the sandwich so to speak. I hold together the meat of what she needs. I recognize that she needs something, find it for her, then reinforce it. I've known this in a roundabout way but saw it more clearly yesterday when I got to observe on camera what the ISU speech therapist did with her. It was our first day, and I'll be able to do this each time. I can watch the therapy session and then follow up at home. I think I'm a little ahead of the game with my background but still have a lot to learn. In the past, I was able to observe Samantha with the OT when she had sensory processing therapy, and this enabled me to understand her struggles and deal with them myself. However, I got lazy and it became exhausting to be creative in the ways that were required, so I sort of gave up.
Now, I see that this is what God has called me to. I'm not homeschooling anymore; instead I'm the special needs child advocate and supporter. It's new territory as a parent, but I can see how my professional background gives me the resources to do it. Not that someone without my background couldn't do it - I see parents all the time who are learning on the job just like me and doing well at it. The thing my background helps me with is giving me confidence that I wouldn't otherwise have, since I'm not a Type A person. I'm the more cautious, methodical, trial and error type that gets easily overwhelmed when there's too much on my plate and I'm in over my head. In this case, because I've dabbled in language education already, I don't feel in over my head; it's at least vaguely familiar.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
A 20 year old mom of 14 kids
I'd like to introduce you to Katie Davis, who between the ages of 18 and 20 adopted fourteen kids in a small village in Uganda. She has recently written a book called "Kisses from Katie" that I just finished last night. Along with mothering and homeschooling her own kids, she has founded Amazima Ministries through partnering with friends in the US, and is able to sponsor around 400 kids for food, clothing, and medical needs.
Katie has a real heart for Jesus and being his hands and feet. She reminds me of a modern day Amy Carmichael. She is knowledgeable in how to care for many medical conditions that plague the people of Uganda. One thing she describes is removing jiggers from feet, which are little insects that burrow their way into feet and cause painful walking. Once they're removed she supplies shoes to prevent the problem from developing again.
Katie is a true testimony of a young life living out her calling. She shares honestly about the hardships of leaving an upper middle class life and potential marriage. If you need a good book to read to pull you out of complacency, this is it!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Dave's Surgery
It's been twelve days since Dave's surgery. It's been a roller coaster time. To summarize, Dave had about 5 inches removed from his small intestine to restore health lost due to Crohn's, along with having his gall bladder removed since he had gallstones. This is his third surgery. This time the incision was longer, he was in a hospital out of town b/c he chose a colo-rectal surgeon, and there were a couple extra things that happened post surgery that hindered a quicker recovery.
First, his pain wasn't fully managed from the epidural upon waking up from the surgery, and this affected his blood pressure. It took the rest of the day for them to get his pain under control. It was a little scary when the nurse told us they needed the doc's approval to up the epidural because the higher it goes, the greater the chance you can stop breathing. Upon that news I had to leave and go home for the evening. They said they were going to monitor him so that was somewhat of a comfort.
The increase made a huge difference and Dave was feeling much better by Day 2. Unfortunately he was struggling to get uninterrupted sleep not only from the nurses but his roommate, who kept his TV on nonstop, talked to any and every nurse and tech that came in, and talked incessantly to visitors, even to himself at night. Dave tried to make the best of it and doze when he could. He eventually got earplugs and that helped a lot.
The first couple days Dave was only able to swab his mouth with water, then he was given permission to have ice chips. On the third day they took an x-ray b/c the output from his NG tube was almost twice as much as his fluid intake. They thought the tube was in too far. The x-ray didn't show that it was, but by day 4 they concluded that they needed to adjust it, and after they did, the output reduced to the point that he could finally go on clear liquids. However, since the epidural was still in place (longer than the usual time), his bowel function didn't resume. Finally the epidural came out and "normal" recovery kicked in Friday night.
One surprising thing in comparison to other surgeries was that Dave had more energy and wasn't exhausted after doing his walks. The first day he was able to stand up, the second day he tried his first walk to the end of the hall, and by the third day he made it around the whole floor and was even doing laps.
True to Dave's nature, he kept the nurses laughing and told us some funny stories. One was that on the weekend, he "sneaked" out for a walk by himself. He was supposed to have a tech, but when they changed shifts, he figured that the new ones would assume he got permission to be out on his own and wouldn't say anything. He was right!
Things are going fine here at home. Yesterday he was more adventurous and tried french fries; he didn't have a very good night so I guess he's not quite ready for a full diet even though the doctors said he could have it. He didn't eat very many, but even so, his body wasn't prepared to handle them. Other than that, things have been going about as well as can be expected. The first two or three days home he couldn't get any motivation to do anything outside watching business news (of course the huge story about ATT and T-Mobile was going on, something he teaches about!), but the last day or so he's had an interest in reading, doing email, and other somewhat mild activities.
Thank you all for praying!
First, his pain wasn't fully managed from the epidural upon waking up from the surgery, and this affected his blood pressure. It took the rest of the day for them to get his pain under control. It was a little scary when the nurse told us they needed the doc's approval to up the epidural because the higher it goes, the greater the chance you can stop breathing. Upon that news I had to leave and go home for the evening. They said they were going to monitor him so that was somewhat of a comfort.
The increase made a huge difference and Dave was feeling much better by Day 2. Unfortunately he was struggling to get uninterrupted sleep not only from the nurses but his roommate, who kept his TV on nonstop, talked to any and every nurse and tech that came in, and talked incessantly to visitors, even to himself at night. Dave tried to make the best of it and doze when he could. He eventually got earplugs and that helped a lot.
The first couple days Dave was only able to swab his mouth with water, then he was given permission to have ice chips. On the third day they took an x-ray b/c the output from his NG tube was almost twice as much as his fluid intake. They thought the tube was in too far. The x-ray didn't show that it was, but by day 4 they concluded that they needed to adjust it, and after they did, the output reduced to the point that he could finally go on clear liquids. However, since the epidural was still in place (longer than the usual time), his bowel function didn't resume. Finally the epidural came out and "normal" recovery kicked in Friday night.
One surprising thing in comparison to other surgeries was that Dave had more energy and wasn't exhausted after doing his walks. The first day he was able to stand up, the second day he tried his first walk to the end of the hall, and by the third day he made it around the whole floor and was even doing laps.
True to Dave's nature, he kept the nurses laughing and told us some funny stories. One was that on the weekend, he "sneaked" out for a walk by himself. He was supposed to have a tech, but when they changed shifts, he figured that the new ones would assume he got permission to be out on his own and wouldn't say anything. He was right!
Things are going fine here at home. Yesterday he was more adventurous and tried french fries; he didn't have a very good night so I guess he's not quite ready for a full diet even though the doctors said he could have it. He didn't eat very many, but even so, his body wasn't prepared to handle them. Other than that, things have been going about as well as can be expected. The first two or three days home he couldn't get any motivation to do anything outside watching business news (of course the huge story about ATT and T-Mobile was going on, something he teaches about!), but the last day or so he's had an interest in reading, doing email, and other somewhat mild activities.
Thank you all for praying!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
How Long, O Lord?
This is a question I asked when Samantha was a baby and a toddler. How long would I be struggling with her behavior and special needs? Well, today as I read Psalm 3:3 "Consider and answer me, O Lord my God..." I knew that God had come to my rescue, that "he has dealt bountifully with me." (v.6)
Things are still hard, but in the midst of it all God keeps reminding me that we've come so far from where we were. Progress is steady and beautiful. Just a few days ago, I asked Samantha to apologize. She did, but reluctantly and with an edge to her voice. I asked her to do it again and she said it in a monotone, which for her was pretty good. To give some context, when she's been asked to apologize, she's either screamed she's sorry over and over, refused to say it, or tightened her chest and screeched it with clenched teeth. I had to wait till later and ask her again, and then she would barely say it. The beautiful thing about what happened the other day is that after she said she was sorry in a monotone, which I accepted, she came back to me a few minutes later and sincerely said, "I'm sorry, Mom." PROGRESS. ANSWER TO PRAYER!!!
You may be in a long hard situation that you wonder whether it will ever change. I want to encourage you today to keep trusting in God. Whether God changes the circumstances or not, you can know His love is steadfast and sure. He won't allow anything to ultimately harm you, that's His promise. I've learned to let go and say, "Lord, some things may never change. Samantha may always exhibit anxiety if not anything worse. But you will walk us through those situations and strengthen us through them. You have a plan for us."
The thing that keeps me going is stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, even as I face more hurdles on the horizon. One is Dave's third major abdominal surgery coming up. I have to admit it's a little scary, but I'm not dwelling on that. I'm counting my blessings, which are many:
Dave just went to Seoul as a keynote speaker for a major conference and as Katrina said was "an international superstar."
Ethan just interviewed for an internship in his field of study at State Farm.
Bryan is getting well connected to the music ministry opportunities in Nashville and is getting valuable experience for his future.
Katrina quoted Shakespeare's entire "To be or not to be" soliloquy to me last night, another evidence of what a great student she is: straight A's through high school so far!
I'm feeling better in general and able to function much more than I could a couple years ago.
Things are still hard, but in the midst of it all God keeps reminding me that we've come so far from where we were. Progress is steady and beautiful. Just a few days ago, I asked Samantha to apologize. She did, but reluctantly and with an edge to her voice. I asked her to do it again and she said it in a monotone, which for her was pretty good. To give some context, when she's been asked to apologize, she's either screamed she's sorry over and over, refused to say it, or tightened her chest and screeched it with clenched teeth. I had to wait till later and ask her again, and then she would barely say it. The beautiful thing about what happened the other day is that after she said she was sorry in a monotone, which I accepted, she came back to me a few minutes later and sincerely said, "I'm sorry, Mom." PROGRESS. ANSWER TO PRAYER!!!
You may be in a long hard situation that you wonder whether it will ever change. I want to encourage you today to keep trusting in God. Whether God changes the circumstances or not, you can know His love is steadfast and sure. He won't allow anything to ultimately harm you, that's His promise. I've learned to let go and say, "Lord, some things may never change. Samantha may always exhibit anxiety if not anything worse. But you will walk us through those situations and strengthen us through them. You have a plan for us."
The thing that keeps me going is stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, even as I face more hurdles on the horizon. One is Dave's third major abdominal surgery coming up. I have to admit it's a little scary, but I'm not dwelling on that. I'm counting my blessings, which are many:
Dave just went to Seoul as a keynote speaker for a major conference and as Katrina said was "an international superstar."
Ethan just interviewed for an internship in his field of study at State Farm.
Bryan is getting well connected to the music ministry opportunities in Nashville and is getting valuable experience for his future.
Katrina quoted Shakespeare's entire "To be or not to be" soliloquy to me last night, another evidence of what a great student she is: straight A's through high school so far!
I'm feeling better in general and able to function much more than I could a couple years ago.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
What's in a Brain?
The main topic of my post today will be regarding Samantha's language development. But before I talk about that, I want to give an update on my hip and leg. Overall I've been doing much better since I got the second injection. I still have moments, but things aren't as chronic as they used to be; by that I mean I don't feel something all day long in varying degrees but rather I feel normal and then have flare-ups. I love my new vehicle, even tho I have to keep adjusting the seat b/c Katrina is driving it too! I haven't had to use extra cushions except on our trip out east.
So now, what's in a brain? Do you realize how many steps are involved in processing language? I've always loved language, and was particularly awestruck when I took my linguistics class for my master's. God has created the most amazing thing, and even more, He's created us with an amazing brain to "get it" - and we acquire it so naturally at an early age.
But as we know, although this is the norm, there are deviations with kids who can't get it. Before I go into Samantha's case, I just have to say I have such an appreciation for all the research and science and trained professionals who deal with these issues in kids. Like St. Jude, they know their stuff and are really amazing.
Samantha has sensory processing disorder, auditory processing disorder, and probably an anxiety disorder as well, although that hasn't been officially diagnosed yet. Based on her age, her receptive and expressive language puts her highly at risk for
learning. On top of that, she has a memory problem, possibly from a condition at birth i.e. malnutrition, poor prenatal care, or whatever. So why is she functional at school at all, which she is? Because she's a borderline child that compensates using mostly visual cues, and she has the basic "ability" to learn. What does this mean?
It means she needs intervention NOW before she starts dropping off the charts academically. So far, school has been manageable. She's a year older than her classmates and although most tasks are challenging and she's gotten outside help from pull-out programs, she's been able to slowly progress. So, this summer we've done three things. We had her tutored twice a week, then started an intensive four day a week language therapy, and are also now taking her to a special reading class at ISU. Although all three have been helpful, I think the language therapy shows the most long term potential. Samantha has started speaking more naturally and age appropriately the last couple weeks. She doesn't hesitate so much to think of a word (which I end up supplying for her most of the time.)
All that to say, what's in a brain? Somehow these language experts have figured out a way to make the brain restructure itself so that a child who doesn't fit the norm becomes one who progresses more rapidly toward the norm. It's amazing. I don't know how they do it, but as I see promise, I'm glad we invested both time and money. If it does what I hope it will do, we'll be one step closer to the long term goal of not only getting through school but getting through life and connecting on a deeper level emotionally.
So now, what's in a brain? Do you realize how many steps are involved in processing language? I've always loved language, and was particularly awestruck when I took my linguistics class for my master's. God has created the most amazing thing, and even more, He's created us with an amazing brain to "get it" - and we acquire it so naturally at an early age.
But as we know, although this is the norm, there are deviations with kids who can't get it. Before I go into Samantha's case, I just have to say I have such an appreciation for all the research and science and trained professionals who deal with these issues in kids. Like St. Jude, they know their stuff and are really amazing.
Samantha has sensory processing disorder, auditory processing disorder, and probably an anxiety disorder as well, although that hasn't been officially diagnosed yet. Based on her age, her receptive and expressive language puts her highly at risk for
learning. On top of that, she has a memory problem, possibly from a condition at birth i.e. malnutrition, poor prenatal care, or whatever. So why is she functional at school at all, which she is? Because she's a borderline child that compensates using mostly visual cues, and she has the basic "ability" to learn. What does this mean?
It means she needs intervention NOW before she starts dropping off the charts academically. So far, school has been manageable. She's a year older than her classmates and although most tasks are challenging and she's gotten outside help from pull-out programs, she's been able to slowly progress. So, this summer we've done three things. We had her tutored twice a week, then started an intensive four day a week language therapy, and are also now taking her to a special reading class at ISU. Although all three have been helpful, I think the language therapy shows the most long term potential. Samantha has started speaking more naturally and age appropriately the last couple weeks. She doesn't hesitate so much to think of a word (which I end up supplying for her most of the time.)
All that to say, what's in a brain? Somehow these language experts have figured out a way to make the brain restructure itself so that a child who doesn't fit the norm becomes one who progresses more rapidly toward the norm. It's amazing. I don't know how they do it, but as I see promise, I'm glad we invested both time and money. If it does what I hope it will do, we'll be one step closer to the long term goal of not only getting through school but getting through life and connecting on a deeper level emotionally.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Unbelief vs. Hope
I've been struggling with lack of faith regarding a current situation involving Samantha's language and auditory processing disorders. It's hard for me to trust God to help her overcome these obstacles, even though I've taken extra steps to get her help. Starting today, she's going to do an intense language/processing program at a local speech center. Next Monday she'll also be starting a special reading program at ISU.
My struggle is more one of inadequacy on my part, that I'm just not the kind of mother to give her support for the challenges she faces. It's been an emotional time for me, taking her to appointments and such; I see how far she has to go more clearly now than ever before, along with knowing how frustrated she becomes with things that don't come easily to her. My mother's heart wants to say, "Just leave the poor kid alone, she's been through enough." But I'm conflicted too because my mother's heart also wants to help her achieve her maximum potential. The missing element is a foundational trust in God that He can bring about changes that are real and lasting. Samantha has made slow progress in almost all areas of development, and then slipped back into lower levels.
As I read my summer Bible Study book this morning about Martha and her struggle of faith when Lazarus died, I could relate. Jesus has the power to do anything, but we only see things as they are and even though we hope He'll use His power to make things different, we don't really expect it.
One thing that hit me earlier this week is that when Ethan had leukemia, I made sure every detail was being attended to, not only with his health but with his schooling. If there was a problem that came up, I immediately contacted the doctor or teacher and dealt with it. I made sure to remind doctors of details they forgot. I was driven to ride things out till Ethan was fully restored. With Samantha I don't have that same drive; I resist jumping through hoops that might give her potential for change. In parenting I've worked really hard at accepting who she is rather than trying to make her something she's not. But this has left me virtually crippled to pursue the help she needs and hope for substantial change. May God give me the same drive, based on a faith that He's put her in this family for a reason and has great plans for her.
My struggle is more one of inadequacy on my part, that I'm just not the kind of mother to give her support for the challenges she faces. It's been an emotional time for me, taking her to appointments and such; I see how far she has to go more clearly now than ever before, along with knowing how frustrated she becomes with things that don't come easily to her. My mother's heart wants to say, "Just leave the poor kid alone, she's been through enough." But I'm conflicted too because my mother's heart also wants to help her achieve her maximum potential. The missing element is a foundational trust in God that He can bring about changes that are real and lasting. Samantha has made slow progress in almost all areas of development, and then slipped back into lower levels.
As I read my summer Bible Study book this morning about Martha and her struggle of faith when Lazarus died, I could relate. Jesus has the power to do anything, but we only see things as they are and even though we hope He'll use His power to make things different, we don't really expect it.
One thing that hit me earlier this week is that when Ethan had leukemia, I made sure every detail was being attended to, not only with his health but with his schooling. If there was a problem that came up, I immediately contacted the doctor or teacher and dealt with it. I made sure to remind doctors of details they forgot. I was driven to ride things out till Ethan was fully restored. With Samantha I don't have that same drive; I resist jumping through hoops that might give her potential for change. In parenting I've worked really hard at accepting who she is rather than trying to make her something she's not. But this has left me virtually crippled to pursue the help she needs and hope for substantial change. May God give me the same drive, based on a faith that He's put her in this family for a reason and has great plans for her.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Dating
Should an age be established that is acceptable for a Christian young person to date? Should someone avoid dating till they are seriously considering marriage? Should independent dating or courtship with parental supervision be practiced?
Over the years I've pondered this question. I've had a hard time with the "they're too young" argument, mainly because some of the best marriages I know, including my godly maternal grandma's, were started at a fairly early age (my grandma was married at 16). It just so happens that my grandfather was formerly Amish, and it just so happens that the Amish, whom we regard as about the most conservative of all, have a pretty "loose" policy when it comes to dating. They allow their children to see each other in private, at night, normally in courting buggies. Of course they have been instructed how to properly behave, but nonetheless the possibility of indiscretion is there. No one, not even their parents, know they are dating until they announce their intentions to be married at a church service. Marriage soon follows. If they stop seeing each other, no one (supposedly) knows they were ever a couple.
Along with my grandparents, my husband's sister was married at sixteen, her daughter was married at seventeen, one of my brothers started dating his bride around 17, and my close friend and roommate from college starting dating her future husband at around age 15, give or take. All of these couples are very happily married today.
Culture plays a significant factor. The Amish culture, along with earlier marrying ages in general in past generations, made it more acceptable within Christian circles to start dating early, or at least earlier than it is now. Were kids more mature back then? I honestly don't know. Certainly in a more agrarian society kids were forced to carry more responsibility at an earlier age. Some of the strongest advocates of courtship these days would encourage it earlier than the norm for their children whom they've trained to be ready for marriage whenever God provides a suitable spouse.
In covering the first question regarding age, I've somewhat addressed the second regarding the purpose of dating, whether it should be only with marriage in view or otherwise. I think I'm coming to the conclusion that for the Christian family, it's not an either or but a both and. I think the starting point is this. If a Christian desires to date, that's an indication that God has put it in their heart to also desire marriage in the future. For those with whom this never works out after one or more relationships, they may discern God's will for them is to be single. For everyone else, they go through a process of discerning God's will in terms of who their life mate will be as they get to know the person they're dating more and more, and learn more about themselves as well. If they're really young, their purpose in dating should be to mature as a person and allow God to shape them into the person He wants them to be for their future mate. It should not be to make them feel good about themselves, although they will probably find this to be difficult. They may end up marrying the person they're dating, but not likely given all the steps that lie before them as they progress toward adulthood.
The third question then is courtship vs. independent dating. There may be different definitions of courtship, but let's just use the old school one of being chaperoned at first and having the expectation of possible or even probable marriage. I think the conclusion that I'm coming to is that a combination of both independent dating and family involvement is necessary for healthy relationships to exist in young couples. So I would definitely reject the Amish model! Parents need to give their children permission and limits when they're still under their authority, just as with everything else. At the same time, I think children need to be given a certain amount of independence and freedom when the parents deem them mature enough to have it, and if they get hurt, they get hurt. God will bring good out of it either way. Hopefully they'll have the assurance of their parents' love and view them as their first "fallback" if something really painful happens. If it becomes obvious to the parents that the relationship isn't going to be a healthy one, they may have to exercise tough love, but again, that's part of the way God will bring good into the situation.
On the positive side, if dating someone is going well, then hopefully there will be freedom on both sides for parents and kids to relate to one another and get to know and care for each other. This doesn't mean the daters are pressured to make decisions about how far the relationship should go, just because they've "met the parents." Think about it. Normally if Christian children develop long term friendships while still at home, involved parents get to know those friends and sometimes their families. The ideal would be for Christian students who go to college to continue a close relationship with their parents and if they enter into a dating relationship, to give at least a little information about who they're dating and how things are going. Parents need to not stifle their children at this age, regarding any decisions being made, but at the same time, wise children will continue to honor their parents' wisdom. Parents need to realize that their children are changing (hopefully for the better!), and not caution them too much based on the way they were as little kids. Rather, they can encourage the strengths they've always seen in them and support them in finding the person God provides for them.
So, no - age is not the main determinant. Yes - marriage should be the goal in dating, but not necessarily with each particular person that is dated; i.e. the young person should be seeking for God to make them ready for marriage whether it be with the one they are currently seeing or not. And yes and no, parents should be actively involved while children are under their authority, while at the same time giving more and more freedom until the child is no longer accountable to them; children should keep in touch, realizing that if they do marry, their mate will be a part of their extended family if they are to have a God-honoring marriage.