This is a question I asked when Samantha was a baby and a toddler. How long would I be struggling with her behavior and special needs? Well, today as I read Psalm 3:3 "Consider and answer me, O Lord my God..." I knew that God had come to my rescue, that "he has dealt bountifully with me." (v.6)
Things are still hard, but in the midst of it all God keeps reminding me that we've come so far from where we were. Progress is steady and beautiful. Just a few days ago, I asked Samantha to apologize. She did, but reluctantly and with an edge to her voice. I asked her to do it again and she said it in a monotone, which for her was pretty good. To give some context, when she's been asked to apologize, she's either screamed she's sorry over and over, refused to say it, or tightened her chest and screeched it with clenched teeth. I had to wait till later and ask her again, and then she would barely say it. The beautiful thing about what happened the other day is that after she said she was sorry in a monotone, which I accepted, she came back to me a few minutes later and sincerely said, "I'm sorry, Mom." PROGRESS. ANSWER TO PRAYER!!!
You may be in a long hard situation that you wonder whether it will ever change. I want to encourage you today to keep trusting in God. Whether God changes the circumstances or not, you can know His love is steadfast and sure. He won't allow anything to ultimately harm you, that's His promise. I've learned to let go and say, "Lord, some things may never change. Samantha may always exhibit anxiety if not anything worse. But you will walk us through those situations and strengthen us through them. You have a plan for us."
The thing that keeps me going is stepping back and looking at the bigger picture, even as I face more hurdles on the horizon. One is Dave's third major abdominal surgery coming up. I have to admit it's a little scary, but I'm not dwelling on that. I'm counting my blessings, which are many:
Dave just went to Seoul as a keynote speaker for a major conference and as Katrina said was "an international superstar."
Ethan just interviewed for an internship in his field of study at State Farm.
Bryan is getting well connected to the music ministry opportunities in Nashville and is getting valuable experience for his future.
Katrina quoted Shakespeare's entire "To be or not to be" soliloquy to me last night, another evidence of what a great student she is: straight A's through high school so far!
I'm feeling better in general and able to function much more than I could a couple years ago.