Crazy Love by Francis Chan

Note: after writing this I started reading the next chapter and Francis addressed the issue I wrote about: I've included a quote at the end.

I've been reading this book on my Kindle. The main theme is that because God is so big and awesome, we should be motivated to move out into the world and serve Him in radical ways. Once again, an author rails on the church for not doing its job.

Well, not the churches I know. So I guess in my case he's preaching to the choir. The churches I know are actively involved in serving in so many ways, spanning crisis pregnancy/pro-life/adoption to buying a well for Africa to helping the poor in New York City and Chicago to sending missionaries to every continent. Individuals within the church are actively supporting and serving in many ways themselves.

The truth is, we can always do better. There's no excuse for sitting around trying to build up our own castles. We should always be looking for more radical ways to serve to the point of suffering, and not shrink back. But let's not blame the church as a whole and make everyone feel guilty. Let's build one another up and as Paul does in his letters, encourage believers to press on, grow, and glorify God more and more.

I'm not saying I don't like this book in general, just not the blaming part. We need church leaders to motivate us and I think Francis has a lot of good things to say that do just that. So would I recommend this book? Of course. It's solid truth in terms of who God is and what we're called to do in light of the gospel. Hey, I like this guy. Who can't help but be drawn to a younger more hipsterish preacher who's a surfer and takes a radical step by leaving a huge congregation and starting a new ministry to the poor in LA? So don't avoid the book based on this post; read it for yourself and see what you think.



In the chapter following his challenge to the church, Francis quotes John Piper and then says "My fear in writing the previous chapter is that it only evokes in you fear and guilt. Personal experience has taught me that actions driven by fear and guilt are not an antidote to lukewarm, selfish, comfortable living. I hope you realize instead that the answer is love."

Severe/profound language expressive and receptive disorder

This was the bottom line evaluation of the speech pathologist at Unit 5 for Samantha. But let me clarify a little. Samantha is doing okay in school, is functional in all areas as long as she has visual props (i.e. doing math w/ numerals in front of her). In all the other Unit 5 testing that was given by two other professionals, she fell w/in the average range overall, but had very low scores for tasks that required listening w/o visuals. She also had problems with memory, but not enough to affect her overall performance. She would have been deemed ineligible for services based on that, but the speech pathology results moved her into being significantly at risk. Interestingly, the other tests were based on grade level, and the speech test was based on age.

This could have been caught earlier when she was at Easter Seals for sensory processing therapy. She was tested at four years of age by a green employee and passed, much to my shock. I knew Samantha couldn't understand or communicate well, but the testing didn't render her eligible for help. So I was left to try my best to fill in the gaps I knew were there.

The meeting was on Wednesday, and then yesterday I got her report card. They don't do grade reporting yet, just Excellent, Satisfactory, etc. She's starting to drop, so although she could have been getting help before, I'm thankful that at this crucial time before third grade things are in motion for her to get extra help at school. Along with the pull-outs for reading and phonics, they'll be adding speech. She'll also get a small amount of help from Unit 5, but most of it will come from Trinity's speech teacher along w/ an IEP for the classroom.

All that said, we still need to go deeper and have her tested for auditory processing. If we find she has a disorder for that, we will likely seek help outside the school so she can function better in all of life. However, being the smart cookie that she is, when she can't think of a word, she works really hard to explain herself w/ other language. She also asks what things mean when she's confused. So I'm pleased that she's making efforts to compensate on her own; this is huge and shows that she has amazing potential. She just has to get beyond being shy with others. At home, she compensates, but for the most part doesn't do that in other settings.

bulging disc (again)

I saw a pain specialist today that works w/ some of the best neurosurgeons in the state, from the research I did. He looked at my MRI and said even tho the bulging disc is minimal he feels it's the main source of my pain. I have an injection scheduled for next Friday. He says it should give lasting relief. I don't want to get my hopes up too much but it sounds very promising. The doctor said the SI joint is likely only causing around 20 percent if any of my trouble, but the injection will address that too if it's part of the problem.

This is the first time a medical doctor has looked at my MRI and acknowledged a bulging disc. I've had two out of three chiropractors mention it, one of which thought it was the source of my pain. That was the guy in Peoria who told me he couldn't treat me b/c of the travel. My current chiropractor saw it but didn't think it was the main source of my pain, altho his adjustments have helped me somewhat.

It was perfect....

Perfection always eludes me. It eludes everyone. And yet some of us strive for it anyway. So yesterday I was trying to create perfection from chaos. Boxes, decorations everywhere, and an eight year old who wanted to be a part of the action. Then a message asking if we could host a group tonight. Oh no!!! But extra motivation to get it done. And I did, or almost - I was so close. In the meantime I found out the group was going to be canceled due to weather.

Let me back up a bit. Last week I asked Dave to bring up just one box of decorations so I could get started. Unfortunately, that box contained mostly tree stuff and I didn't have the tree. But it also had the candles I put in the windows, so I decided I'd get them ready, along with the wreaths and porch stuff from the garage. When I opened the box with the candles, I noticed I had two packs of unopened replacement bulbs, so apparently last year one blew out and I went ahead and got packs for this year. When I tried to screw the one I needed in, it didn't fit. Being the lazy bum that I am, I didn't want to make a special trip to get bulbs from a department store so I "settled" for something I found at the grocery store that wasn't exactly what I was looking for. What I actually got was much more expensive, but these bulbs were Tim Taylor approved, grunt, grunt, grunt. They were daylight bulbs, extra bright. Since I've had trouble w/ dim bulbs in the past, it seemed like a good idea to get them. They came in packs of two, so since I have six windows, I got three packs. I didn't want to buy extras because they cost so much, but I figured they'd last and I'd get my money's worth.

You can probably see where this is leading, but stick with me. Getting back to yesterday. The candles were all set in the windows, and Dave brought up the tree and other boxes. After all the chaos and sorting and rearranging, everything was perfect. There was just one thing I had to check. How did those extra bright bulbs look from the outside now that the tree was in place? Well, they looked fine, but I decided to reposition the ones in the front window to show off the tree a little more. They're held up by suction cups, and I made sure they were stuck on tight. After I got them in place, I went back outside to check and "voila" it was perfect.

About an hour later, we were eating dinner. I heard a noise. I thought maybe one of the candles dropped off the window, and sure enough, it had. Well, no problem, I'll just put it up again and hope it holds. WHAT???!!! I turn it on and pop goes the bulb. Perfection lost. Now I'm faced w/ a dilemma. Do I go get more expensive bulbs or do I go to the basement, dig through boxes, and get out old ones and have uneven light (if I can even access the basement ones at all). Right now, I don't care. I've had enough of perfection. I may end up doing neither.

Send Me, Lord

I feel like I could burst. I have a sense of urgency I've not experienced in a long time, if ever. Orphan Sunday is next week, and I'm coordinating it. Yesterday, a guest speaker from Compassion Int'l came to our church; he was a Compassion child that is now a pastor, and he spoke to us about the plight of the poor and the plentiful harvest of children. This past weekend, I talked w/ two moms who've adopted special needs children at an event for Katrina's school. Also, in my women's Bible Study we've been studying 2 Thes. 1:1-12 in which Paul encourages the believers to persevere in trial and prays for them to be worthy in light of the Lord's coming and wrath to come. In two weeks, we're having a Concert of Prayer for the persecuted church and orphans at our church.

Yesterday the speaker said that if every American Christian spent two weeks with the poor every year, hearts would change. Of course my first response is to want to pack up and go, but for now I know that's not realistic, although I hope there will come a day. In the meantime, I want to spend more time learning, praying, and assisting. I'm longing to be open to whatever opportunities the Lord presents.

Closure Day, Oct. 11, 2010

We arrived in Memphis just before midnight last night. So many memories just approaching the river. On our right, the first sight was the Kroger where we shopped for groceries. Every week St. Jude gave us $80 to spend! Next was the Applebee's where Dave and I went on a date when our friends the Throops offered to stay at Ronald McDonald House w/ Ethan and Samantha. Our only private time in about two months. Thank you friends! Next was the Walgreen's where I desperately waited a half hour while Samantha screamed w/ tiredness and an ear infection. I had to wait for insurance to kick in (or something). My very practical Katrina suggested I turn on a movie for Samantha since we had the player in the car. Whew. And finally, on the left, the Red Roof Inn where we stayed when our family exceeded four, the limit for accommodations at St. Jude.

Just on that short 1/4 mile stretch, the heaviness of it all touched me, as it always does, and maybe always will. There's so much sadness mixed w/ hope at St. Jude. It's an amazing place. You never know quite how to feel; sad for the situation, happy for the care you get, sad for those who've lost the battle, happy for those who've won, hopeful for those who are still fighting. A community of people - patients, caregivers, personnel; even though the travel is difficult for me I HAD to be here today. For so many reasons. There I go, I'm crying. It's just so emotional. But I need to hurry up and finish because I don't want to miss a single minute of this important day.

So anyway, after that little stretch, we crossed the bridge. Crossing the bridge is always when the first night seems so real. Feb. 17 '08 - actually it was early morning, 5 AM. Such a long drive to get there. Ethan was flown down and Dave, Samantha and I drove. That's a whole different story, an amazing one which Dave and I shared w/ Ethan as we traveled yesterday. But back to that first night and the memories it holds: where in the world are we? What's our son doing lying in a hospital bed 7 hours from home? This place we've heard of since childhood that Danny Thomas founded. That's where the really sick kids go. Our son HERE??!!!

And finally, after the bridge, as we approached St. Jude, there it was, Ronald McDonald House. Our home for two months. What a place. Today I plan to go there to see Ethan's handprint on the wall in person. I haven't been here since winter or spring of '09 if I'm remembering right. The travel's been too hard for me. But I made it! And I'm ready to do all I need today to say good-bye to this chapter of our lives.

The Common Thread

It's been an interesting month. Ethan's almost done treatment for leukemia. I'm studying 1 Thessalonians and end times w/ my women's Bible study. I read MaryBeth Chapman's book Choosing to See. I've been making progress on getting my physical condition on track w/ a chiropractor and special exercises at my health club. I've also been asked to help out with our church's Orphan Awareness Sunday and our town's Adoption Conference. At the same time, I deal w/ daily struggles w/ Samantha. I've also had the opportunity to serve a Chinese international student from ISU and start a friendship w/ her. My beautiful fourteen year old going on twenty is enjoying high school and going on her first "parent-approved friendship date" to homecoming, although she's not been given permission to date yet. Yeah, I know, we're old timers. But so be it. We have our reasons.

The common thread - life is a gift, our bodies are important, and at the same time we're looking forward to a hope that will never end, when our bodies will be made completely whole. Heaven is real. Earth is temporary, but while God has us here we live with an eternal focus. A big part of that focus is bringing the nations to Himself and loving the hurting in our world. It's keeping ourselves pure and set apart from the world, while being connected to the world (I Thessalonians 4).

I'm of course thrilled that Ethan doesn't have to suffer anymore. I grieve for the Chapman's loss and their son Will Franklin's trauma. I long for my body to work the way it's supposed to, the way it was designed to work. Whether that will ever happen again in this life is a big question mark. My condition is chronic, but God can heal if He chooses. He can also glorify Himself through using it as a thorn in my flesh. Either way, I win. God won't give up on me, and I choose not to give up - to fight the affliction to the best of my ability and be available for God to use me any way I'm able. My biggest calling right now is to be a godly mother to my daughters. One a birth child, one adopted. Both with unique needs. Beyond that, I can serve others in and outside the church as God leads.

Check out this link:

Beauty Will Rise